Moments to Breathe
by BeyondTime3
Summary: Having NIDS really sucked. There were the good days, and there were bad days. Then, there were REALLY bad days… [Emotional Oneshot. Rated T for suicidal thoughts and a swear- POSSIBLE TRIGGER]


**[Disclaimer: All characters belong to SEGA!]**

A deep sigh escaped her lungs and left them feeling like overstretched balloons. The young blonde blinked tiredly for the first time in her few minutes of staring out the window, leaning her head into her folded arms when moving her eyes caused her headache to worsen. She hadn't moved in over an hour, since she made the agonizing trek from her bed to the chair by the window. Everything hurt too much to try.

For Maria Robotnick, waking up on the wrong side of the bed was an understatement.

A single pained tear left her eye as she sucked in another sore breath, trying to gain the willpower to lift her head back up. Yesterday had gone so well… it was the best she had been feeling all week… she was even able to walk on her own, jog a little even. Had it been too much so soon? Keeping her breaths shallow as to keep from irritating her chest further, Maria pushed herself off the windowsill she was sitting by and meandered over to a closed hatch in the wall by her bed; clenching her teeth in pain all the way.

Leaning against it with an exhausted groan, she repeatedly tapped a small red button in the wall until it responded with some mechanical whirring and clicking. The panel retreated into the wall, revealing a small group of various sized and colored pills, along with a full glass of water. Taking the medication into her hand, she eyed over the prescriptions and let out a weak growl when she saw one was missing. They had left out her anti-depressant.

If anything, beyond all the pain killers and antibiotics and fairly useless 'curing' chemicals, the medicine she took to ward off the blurry cloud of despair was the _most_ important to her. She didn't function with a cheery smile and optimistic outlook whenever the doctors skipped a dose.

She shook her head, deciding to deal with it for that day and sipping enough water to get all the pills down. Sighing when she was finished, she set the glass back into the hatch and it closed, a small click signifying that it had locked itself. She wasn't allowed to take her medications herself- thanks to her Grandfather's demand. He was afraid leaving the many bottles of pills in her room could fare badly if she was ever left alone… and feeling overly hopeless…

Maria was a bit disheartened that he didn't trust her, but she understood. She couldn't deny never having had the thoughts of 'ending her suffering', especially when she had first been brought to the Ark.

Feeling the medications kicking in enough to start her morning, the blonde teen let out her first pain free yawn of the day and changed out of her drab grey pajamas. She slid open her closet door, letting out a small 'hmm' and she contemplated what to wear. Though her icy cobalt dress called to her, she knew that being blue on both the outside and inside would make her day even worse… So she opted for a bright yellow skirt covered in a white daisy pattern, with an ivory white top to match.

Stepping into some white flats, she walked out of the room with a semi-fake smile plastered on her face, until a sudden wave of vertigo overtook her. She swayed to the side, letting out a quiet and low-toned 'woah…!' before bracing herself with a hand on the wall. Closing her eyes and bending her head towards the floor, she waited until the only sign she had been so dizzy was her short and quick breathing. Blinking fuzziness out of her eyes, she was relieved to see nobody had been around to witness her episode and straightened her posture. Carefully, she walked down the metallic hallway to get to the private food hall. Hunger always made her a bit dizzy, she reminded herself when she had began to worry if something was particularly wrong that day. With a firm shake of her head, Maria told herself not to fret. All she had to do was get through today, and then tomorrow would be better.

.!.!.!.!.!.

"Maria, my sweet… How are you faring?"

The young blonde looked up from her plate, fork tilting back and forth below her finger as she mindlessly stabbed at her breakfast. Pale lids closed over her ocean blue orbs as she let out a sigh, "Just getting a rough start this morning, Grandfather."

The elder man looked down at his own plate of food, thoughtfully running a hand through his light grey moustache. "I know you might be slightly upset that we took away one of your medications, but…" he scratched the side of his head, knowing that the topic of Maria's illness was always one to be weary of, "It's about time we tried getting you off of it. It's been over a year."

"Hm." The young blonde uttered the small sound to show she was paying attention, chin tiredly rested into her palm as she spooned her breakfast into her mouth.

"In light of that, I convinced the med team to give you a break today. Just one blood draw, and you're free to enjoy your day. I might be able to get Shadow an extended break for you, too."

Maria's eyes flew open at the idea. She had been so wrapped up in her own self-pity that morning that she nearly forgot about her best friend. Granted, it had only been a week since the black and red hedgehog had been introduced to her, but their personalities had mixed so well that it hadn't taken long for them to grow a tight bond. "T-that would be great…! Thank you grandfather!" the teen sat up straighter, a natural smile resting on her features as she consumed her food with more vigor. Gerald Robotnick grinned, glad that he had been able to lift her mood without the help of any chemicals.

After eating, Maria was helpfully escorted to a medical bay by her grandfather to get a pint of blood drawn. She didn't bother mentioning that a woozy feeling lingered in her body for a while afterwards. When she finally got to spend the rest of her day to herself, she made a B-line for the one place she could forget her problems and pretend she was normal, and on earth.

Everyone referred to it as the playroom.

Lowering herself to the sofa with an exhausted plop, Maria smiled when she felt the cool breeze of a desk fan blow in her direction. Closing her eyes, she imagined she was in the middle of a park, the wind blowing past her gently and the sun shining warmly in the middle of a bright blue sky.

Her leg brushed against the metallic wall, sudden freezing temperature on her skin instantly snapping her out of her daydream. She quickly blinked, rubbing the chill out of her arms and shaking her head as she stood and moved to a small table in the middle of the room. It was littered with papers and colored pencils, which she grabbed and began to draw. Grabbing a nearby book stuffed with bookmarks, she flipped it open to a specific page she had folded down the corner of and examined the picture with a light smirk.

Starting with a regular pencil, she began to sketch out a tree, frequently looking back to the picture in the book for reference. Then she made a bench placed under it, and began to lightly pencil in the lines of a person sitting on it. She paused for a moment; lightly rubbing the bridge of her nose as focusing her eyes so close to the paper was beginning to give her a headache. Being so ill, so sore everywhere made everything so difficult! Her actions did little to mirror the irritation she felt, as she gently set the pencil on the table and leaned backwards in her chair, waiting for the ache in the front of her head to calm down.

Before she could continue her artistic endeavor, the door in the wall across the room creaked open shyly. Maria saw a pair of ruby red eyes peek around the piece of metal, and the owner of the brightly colored orbs asked quietly, "Maria…? You in here?"

"Shad-ow…" the word had started off cheerily, but the young blonde was left to breathlessly mutter the last part as she suddenly felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. Taking a few shaky breaths, she roughly pushed out the last few words, "C-come in, I'm here!"

The artificial hedgehog strolled in, only to rush over when he saw his best friend hunched over the table, one hand grasping her chest and the other arm wrapped around her mouth as she felt the sudden urge to cough into it. Seeing Shadow's distress, Maria quickly held her hand up, half speaking and half wheezing, "I'm fine! *cough* Really, it's alright… *cough* Just a bit out of breath!"

Taking in a few more difficult gulps of air, Maria sighed in relief when she felt the warmth of the ebony hedgehog's gloved hand on her back. "You alright?"

"Yes…" the teen panted slowly, reaching her right hand over her shoulder to grasp his, "I haven't been doing too well today, but I'm sure it'll get better…" still clinging to her denial, she picked up her pencil and gestured to the empty chair on the other side of the table, "Wanna draw with me?"

"Sure!" Shadow gave a concerned half-smile, seating himself and quietly watching Maria work on her drawing of what he assumed was a park. When the blonde looked up, only to lock eyes with the artificial hedgehog and giggle, Shadow quickly grabbed his own paper and light blue pencil. Maria couldn't tell what he was making, but smiled nonetheless at his work as she heard him lightly humming a tune.

After a few minutes in silence, the teen rolled her shoulders in slight discomfort when her chest adopted a slight tingling sensation. She cleared her throat slightly, fighting the urge to cough lest she fell into another hacking fit, and Shadow's ears flicked forward ever so slightly with the small noise. Assuming she had strained her back from staying in her hunched position for too long, Maria sat back with both hands flat on the table while she stretched out. The dull tingling instantly erupted into the feeling of needles pocking into her lungs, and she suppressed a cry of shock at the sudden pain.

Reverting back to the position Shadow had found her in earlier, the blonde bunched up the white cloth of her shirt as she grasped at her chest, breathing deeply and slowly as she still fought the urge to cough. By now she had clearly gotten the black and red hedgehog's attention, who stood up in surprise and exclaimed, "Maria! I'm going to call a doctor over, hold on-"

"NO!" she replied a bit too loudly, "D-don't. It'll… It'll pass-!" She had had enough of doctors and treatment for a lifetime… if she could just calm herself down, enough for this small episode to pass…

"I just want a break…" she moaned, which only caused a barrage of coughing to spill out of her mouth as the needle feeling quickly evolved into a stabbing sensation in her diaphragm. Holding a hand over her mouth as she slumped over, blonde hair curtained her ever-paling face and only left Shadow to panic further. The ebony hedgehog lifted her up so she was sitting back against the chair, and his eyes widened to an inhuman size at what he saw.

Blood. A small stream of red was trickling out the corner of Maria's mouth, and dripping into her hand as she was just barely holding onto her face with it. "S-stay here, I'm getting the Professor!" he spoke, voice raised above the sound of her now sputtering coughs. The teen could faintly hear footsteps and yelling, then more yelling voices over the ringing in her ears. Forcing herself to open her eyes, some tears forced themselves out of her blue orbs as she saw the blurred figures of some men in white coats…

"Urgh…" and annoyed groan left her mouth at the sight, and just as she felt a pair of hands on her shoulders, she slipped into unconsciousness.

.!.!.!.!.!.

The first sound to greet her ears was the consistent beeping of a heart monitor. Maria groaned, halting the sound halfway it as it caused a stinging pain to spread in her throat. She was in the med bay… again.

Though frustrated that she had ended up in the one place she hadn't wanted to be that day, she was glad that her… attack, or whatever that had been, had been calmed down and she was able to rest. She could finally sense that she was lying in a hospital bed, her body covered by a heavy blanket. Her head didn't even ache, though she suspected that was the work of _plenty_ of drugs.

Blinking her eyes open slowly and rubbing the crust out of them with one hand, her hearing finally stretched beyond the sounds of her own breathing and the heart monitor and she recognized the quiet murmuring of doctors and nurses. Her blurred vision came into focus, and she silently watched them bustle around her in a quiet hurry, readjusting her IV and taking her temperature. They didn't notice that she had woken up. Despite wanting to speak, Maria thought it best to avoid making noise in case her throat got any sorer from it, and instead waved a hand on the arm that wasn't full of needles.

One of the doctors saw this, and muttered a small 'oh!' before announcing to the small group in the room, "She's awake- she's alright!"

A collective sigh of relief was heard, and Maria furrowed her eyebrows as Gerald ran over from the corner of the room. "Maria!" he exclaimed, "I'm so glad you woke up… I was afraid I'd lost you!"

Forgetting her own warning, the blonde opened her mouth to speak but was instantly hushed when her grandfather lightly rested a finger against her lips, "Don't talk, you'll irritate your vocal chords. I'm sure you want to know what happened," he received a frantic nod, "… Unfortunately you had a RID attack- Respiratorical-Immune-Deficiency attack… the tissue lining in your throat and lungs was beginning to weaken, and it became so irritated that it began to bleed… Good God Maria, you're lucky that the tissue had only ruptured in your lower throat… any lower and it would have been in your lungs… we wouldn't have been able to save you…"

The shocked blonde could see a tear slip out from under Gerald's blue-tinted glasses, but he quickly flicked it off his cheek and his tone became more serious, "This means you're much farther along than I anticipated- entering stage two of NIDS I fear. There are supplements you'll have to take to regenerate and preserve the tissue in your lungs so you're at lower risk of another RID attack… but…"

He shook his head knowing how much it would upset his granddaughter, "You won't be able to take anti-depressants of any kind… the chemicals would react poisonously."

Hearing this, Maria swallowed, closing her eyes and turning her head to the side. She wanted to scream or cry, but she couldn't and wouldn't do either in front of her guardian who had done so much to keep a smile on her face. So that's what she gave, a light smile that was positively fake and nodded in agreement. Gerald stroked the top of her head, leaning over and lightly kissing her forehead.

He straightened back up, calling to the group of medical professionals around him, "She's stable enough now- clear out and give her some time to rest!"

There was only mild resistance to the demand, but after a few minutes the young blonde was left by herself, once again the only sounds coming from the heart monitor and her breathing. Using her good arm, Maria slowly sat herself up against the ungodly large headboard that was commonly found on hospital beds. The only sound she began to emit was small sniffles, growing more clogged by the second as tears freely flowed from her eyes.

'This just isn't _fair_ …!' she practically screamed in her mind, a small whimper escaping her throat, 'I don't _deserve_ this!' she slammed her fist down into the mattress, which only made a small 'piff' sound as her hand bounced back a few inches. Leaning her head back, she exhaled through her nose but grimaced and grabbed some tissues off of the bedside table when she received a wad of snot instead of a satisfying huff. While wiping off her nose, Maria jumped at the sound of the door being slammed against the wall and stared with eyes wide.

Shadow's cries only got louder when he saw his best friend sitting there, face red from overheat and deep ocean blue orbs wet with gallons of tears. "MARIA!"

Blinking silently in surprise, the girl in question watched as the artificial hedgehog was held back by multiple men in their attempt to drag him away. She hadn't even thought about it… that was the first time Shadow had ever seen one of her sickly episodes, as this one wasn't the first. Shame suddenly brought another round of tears to her eyes as she pitied her friend's panicked struggle. She couldn't face him… not like this.

"Get him out of here, _please_!" she choked out, letting the plea melt into an agonized sob as using her voice felt like someone had shoved a knife down her throat.

"Let me see her-!" the ebony hedgehog continued to fight until he heard Maria's strained yell, "GO AWAY!"

The teen watched Shadow get dragged off without any resistance, the shocked and slightly hurt look on his face causing her to bury her face in her hands. Once she heard the gentle click of the door closing, she broke down, leaning into her hands and weeping.

.!.!.!.!.!.

It had been a full five hours since Maria had gone into a blood-filled hacking fit. Shadow paced up and down the hallway that lead to the door of the med bay, silently thankful that the scientists had enough sense to leave him alone for the rest of the day. He had seen various doctors wander in and out of the room his friend was in, and he'd run over with a hopefully look until they'd shortly comment, "Not yet, be patient."

So, after the agonizing five hours of waiting and walking and waiting some more, Gerald himself emerged from the room to tell his exhausted experiment, "You can see her, but be gentle… she's tired too. Make sure her voice doesn't raise above a whisper, and come get a doctor if anything seems wrong."

"Right, right… of course." Shadow half listened, taking in most of the important information and then disappearing into the room Maria was being kept in. His ruby orbs landed upon her small frame, the shallow rise and fall of her chest eliciting a breath of relief from the artificial hedgehog. The young blonde was exponentially paler from the last time he had seen her, and dark circles had grown under her eyes. He approached her cautiously, gently gasping his hand in her own and whispering with concern, "Maria…"

Slowly, her eyes fluttered open, and she stared at Shadow blankly for a few seconds before blinking again and replying with more consciousness, "Hey Shad... I'm sorry," she nodded when he raised a finger to his lips and continued in a much quieter tone, "-about earlier. I was just scared and my head hurt and I… I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." She squeezed her eyes shut and a few tears slipped out.

"Don't be," he shook his head, "I saw how bad it was, and I should have backed off in the first place." He wiped a tear from her cheek, and Maria sighed before sniffling again and turning herself onto her back. "I hate seeing you cry…" He mumbled.

She sniffled again as tears forced their way out, "I-I know… I just… I can't do this anymore!" her voice raised to a painful squeak as sobs freely escaped her throat. "I can't! I can't do this 'being sick'! I can't do this constant testing and I CAN'T DO _NIDS_ ANYMORE!"

The black and red hedgehog pinned his ears, wanting to stop her from overusing her voice so soon but knowing he had to let her vent. She was such an innocent soul cursed with what was looking like an eternal burden; and yet she managed to carry on with a smile for weeks, months, years even. If anything, she was entitled to this moment.

"What did _I_ do to deserve this!? I just want to be normal; I want to see blue skies and grass-! I want to feel wind and water and swim and be able to take five damn steps on my own without _collapsing!_ "

Her entire body was shaking by now, and her anger faded into a pitiful moan of sadness, "I just… I just… don't want this _pain_ anymore. Why can't this disease just take me already…?"

"M-Maria!" Shadow held back tears of his own, clumsily scrambling onto the bed and pulling the teen into an almost constricting embrace. Maria was quick to return the embrace, stuffing her face into his quills and uttering sobs that crowded out any words she continued to murmur. "Oh Maria… I… I wish there was more I could do…" a drop of salty water slid down his cheek, "I was made to heal you but I haven't done a thing-! I should be the one who's sorry…"

At his words, Maria's weeping seemed to lessen and be replaced by quiet hiccupping, "H-heal *hic* me…?"

She leaned back, a rather unattractive snort coming from her nose as she sniffled. Holding Shadow's shoulders at arm's length, she studied his face, which seemed both surprised and upset. "Heal me…" she repeated, saying it slowly as she rolled the word off her tongue like learning a foreign word's meaning. Her eyes widened as she felt a sudden squeeze in her heart, and she pulled the startled hedgehog back into a tighter embrace, "Of course," she whispered in realization, "Of course you are. You're healing me right now… I-I'm getting better…"

If there was one thing Maria Robotnick needed through all her testing and crying and suffering, it was a friend. Someone she could relate to, be able to understand what they were and in turn have them understand what she was herself… What was Maria?

Maria was depressed, upset and hopeless that she would never get to live into her adult years. But 'was' is a past tense term. Now that she had a friend, a medication, a cure… someone to love and follow her as closely as her _shadow_ …

She had found the best cure to the worst disease ever… sadness.


End file.
